You’re Allowed to Ask for a Second Opinion: A Lactation Specialist on Trusting Your Gut
A Note from MacKenzie:
One of the things I believe deeply in working with new and expecting parents is that you don’t have to be an expert in everything to be a good parent and you certainly don’t have to navigate every challenge alone.
The postpartum experience rarely fits neatly into one category. Feeding, sleep, recovery, identify, relationships and mental health are all deeply connected. Sometimes, getting the right support means bringing another trusted provider into the conversation.
That’s one of the reasons I’m excited to share this piece from Bethany Lovern, MS, CCC-SLP, CBC, a lactation specialist I trust. In my work with parents, I’ve seen how easily feeding challenges can become intertwined with anxiety, guilt and the feeling that you’re somehow “getting it wrong.” This blog is a great reminder that seeking another perspective doesn’t mean you don’t trust yourself. Sometimes getting a second opinion is exactly how you learn to trust yourself again.
Expert Perspective: Bethany Lovern, MS, CCC-SLP, CBC
Lactation Specialist | Breastfeeding with Bethany
Seeking a breastfeeding second opinion is one of the most practical and most underused things a mama in the postpartum period can do.
The latch looks fine, you were told. Supply is probably okay. Breastfeeding is just hard, and it gets easier. So, someone handed you a nipple shield, a pamphlet, and sent you home.
And something still does not feel right.
That gut feeling, the one keeping you awake not just because the baby is hungry but because something about the feeding picture is still nagging you, is worth paying attention to. Asking a different provider to take a look is not dramatic. It is not high maintenance. It is one of the most practical decisions you can make when the support you have received so far has not answered the question you are actually asking.
Here is what I want you to know.
The "Everything Looks Fine" Moment
Most mamas who call me have already been told that everything looks fine.
By the hospital lactation consultant. By the pediatrician at the two week visit. Maybe by a well meaning friend who breastfed for two years and swears it just takes time.
"Fine" may be technically accurate from a surface level observation. But you are the one feeling every feeding. You are the one who knows the pain has not changed in two weeks. You are the one noticing that your baby works incredibly hard and still comes off the breast unsettled. You are the one doing the diaper count math at 3am.
Fine is not the same as working well.
Why Mamas Don't Ask for a Breastfeeding Second Opinion
There are a few reasons I hear over and over again for why mamas wait:
"I didn't want to be difficult."
The postpartum period carries enormous pressure to be grateful, capable, and easy to work with. Questioning a provider's assessment can feel like overstepping, even when your experience tells you something different.
"I thought I was just not doing it right."
When breastfeeding is painful or inefficient, the most common narrative is mama error. Wrong hold, wrong timing, wrong mindset. So instead of questioning the assessment, mamas question themselves.
"I wasn't sure who else to call."
This is the one that stays with me. The breastfeeding support landscape is genuinely confusing. Hospital LC, private LC, IBCLC, CBC, SLP. The credentials are not intuitive, and knowing which type of provider to seek for which kind of problem is not something anyone explains before you go home.
None of these reasons mean something is wrong with you. They mean you were navigating a confusing system without a map.
What You Actually Have the Right to Ask For
A second opinion in breastfeeding does not require a referral. There is no formal process. You do not need to justify yourself to your current provider.
You simply reach out to someone else and describe what you are experiencing.
In practice, a true second opinion means finding a provider who will watch a full feeding, not just the first two minutes. Someone who will assess what is happening inside your baby's mouth, not just the visible latch from the outside. Someone who will give you real data, like a weighted feed that measures exactly how much milk transferred, rather than a reassurance based on how things looked from across the room.
That is not what you get in a standard hospital visit or a quick pediatric check in.
As a Speech Language Pathologist and Certified Breastfeeding Counselor, my scope covers both oral motor function and breastfeeding together. That means looking at tongue movement, jaw mechanics, suction efficiency, and whether a restriction like a tongue-tie is affecting how your baby feeds. Because of my clinical background, I can document those findings and refer for a frenectomy when one is warranted.
That is a different kind of assessment than a latch check. And it is the kind that gives you real answers instead of reassurances.
If you have been wondering whether a tongue-tie might be part of your picture, the free Tongue-Tie Symptoms Guide from my site is a good first step.
Signs It's Time to Seek a Breastfeeding Second Opinion
Any one of these is enough reason to reach out to someone new:
Pain that has not improved past the first two weeks even with adjustments
A baby who works very hard during feedings and still seems unsatisfied afterward
Clicking sounds during nursing
Nipples that come out creased or flattened after a feeding
Slow weight gain that you feel in your gut before the pediatrician names it
A tongue-tie that was mentioned and then dismissed without a functional evaluation
A general sense that the feeding relationship is harder than it should be and no one has given you an explanation that actually fits
That last one especially. "It's just hard" is not a clinical finding. It is not a plan. Your instinct that something specific is happening deserves a specific answer.
For more on why hospitals sometimes cannot give you that answer, this post walks through the protocol limitations that shape what providers can and cannot say in a hospital setting.
What Trusting Your Gut Actually Does for You
Here is what I notice about the mamas who come to me after waiting:
They already knew.
Before the two week appointment. Before things got hard enough to feel like a crisis. The words were in their heads even when they did not have a clinical term to attach to them.
Trusting your gut is not paranoia. It is not projecting anxiety onto your baby. It is noticing a pattern, feeling the data of your own experience, and taking it seriously enough to act.
MacKenzie talks a lot about the cost of dismissing your own experience, in therapy, in relationships, in the transition to new parenthood. That same truth applies in feeding. Dismissing what you are feeling does not make the problem go away. A second opinion gives you the information to actually address it.
My Own Second Opinion Story
Daniel, my son, had his tongue-tie released in his first week of life. That timing is something I now know came too early. Releasing a tie before a baby is back to birth weight is not something I recommend, and it was not something anyone told me at the time.
Even after the release, something still felt off. The feeding improved and then it did not. He gagged on food. He vomited often. He had trouble walking and spent months in physical therapy just to build the gait pattern most kids develop naturally. He needed shoe inserts. Running was hard. Everything connected somewhere in my gut, but no one could name it for me.
We saw chiropractors, physical therapists, a myofunctional therapist, an airway dentist, more providers than I can easily count. Each one helped a little. None of them had the full picture.
An ENT finally listened. He confirmed what I had been carrying for years: Daniel's tongue-tie had reattached. He needed a second release, this time in a hospital setting with an anesthesiologist.
We did it. And I will always wish I had found a trained TOTS pediatric dentist who could have done it in a clinic setting instead. It would have saved our family thousands of dollars and gotten us to the answer faster.
That experience is why I built my practice the way I did. Around mamas who know something is wrong. Around being the person who says you are right, let us find the root cause together, rather than handing you reflux medication and hoping for the best.
You Do Not Have to Wait Until It Gets Worse
The families who get the most out of a feeding evaluation are almost always the ones who came before the situation became a crisis.
Lactation support is eligible for FSA and HSA funds, and a superbill is available for potential insurance reimbursement. Cost does not have to be the reason you wait.
Come when you have a question. Come when something feels off. Come when you just want to know whether what you are seeing is within normal range or worth addressing.
You do not have to prove things are bad enough to deserve a second opinion.
👉 Learn more about what an in home feeding assessment includes
👉 Download Why does feeding feel so hard
And if the feeding struggle is affecting your mental health, your relationship, or your sense of yourself as a parent, MacKenzie at Rooted Vitality specializes in exactly that space. Sometimes families need lactation support and therapy, and both of us are here.
Rooting for you,
Bethany
About Bethany Lovern
Bethany Lovern is a Speech Language Pathologist with a master's degree and a Certified Breastfeeding Counselor. She provides in-home breastfeeding support, tongue-tie evaluation, and oral motor feeding assessments for families in Brownsburg, Avon, Plainfield, Zionsville, Danville, and the westside of Indianapolis.
Website: bethanylovern.com
Frequently Asked Questions
When should I get a breastfeeding second opinion?
Any time something feels off and the support you have received has not given you a clear answer. Persistent pain past the first two weeks, a baby who seems to work very hard without efficient milk transfer, clicking during feeding, slow weight gain, or a tongue-tie concern that was dismissed without a functional evaluation are all reasons to seek a different perspective. You do not need things to be in crisis first.
Do I need a referral to see a private lactation specialist?
No referral is needed. A certified breastfeeding counselor, private lactation consultant, or SLP who specializes in feeding can be contacted directly. You do not need a hospital lactation consultant or pediatrician to send you before reaching out.
What is a functional feeding assessment?
A functional feeding assessment looks at what is happening inside the mouth during feeding, not just what the latch appears to be from the outside. It typically includes watching a full feeding, assessing oral motor function, performing a weighted feed to measure how much milk transferred, and providing specific guidance based on what the assessment reveals. When the provider is also a Speech Language Pathologist, the assessment includes evaluation of tongue movement, jaw mechanics, and whether an oral restriction is affecting feeding efficiency.
What if I was told my baby's tongue-tie is not affecting feeding?
A tongue-tie that appears minor visually may still significantly affect feeding functionally. A functional evaluation looks at how the tongue moves during feeding rather than only how the frenulum appears, and gives a more complete picture of whether a restriction is worth addressing. If you were told a tongue-tie is present but not a concern and feeding is still difficult, a second functional evaluation is completely reasonable.
Can FSA or HSA funds be used for lactation support?
Yes. Lactation support is an eligible expense for FSA and HSA funds. A superbill is also available for potential out of network insurance reimbursement. Calling your insurance company before your visit to ask about breastfeeding support coverage is always a worthwhile step.
